Friday, October 10, 2003

Fall - the second best season

Although Spring is my favorite season, Fall is my second favorite.  I used to hate Fall because it represented the beginning of Winter, which is my least favorite season.  But in the last couple of years I have begun to look at Fall in a different light. 

Days thankfully become cooler and take on a crisp feel in the morning, warming a bit in the afternoon as the sun peaks between big puffy white clouds.  While the first frost is eminent and annual flowers die off, losing those bright colorspots in our flower beds perrenials, shrubs and trees subtly take their place with gorgeous Fall foilage. The leaves on the trees change from different hues of green to shades of red, yellow and orange before falling to the ground. 

Even what we eat changes once Fall is upon us.  We change from eating lighter meals and more salads to heartier meals like homemade soups, stews and hot crusty buttered breads. Iced tea and coffee is quickly replaced with steaming mugs of hot chocolate and apple cider. 

Evenings wrap a blanket of fog around them which seems to insulate us against the obtrusive noises of the outside world, which are more easily ignored in the warmer months. And inside that blanket we snuggle into a almost hibernated state.  The days are short and the nights long and dark.  We hurry home from work seeking the safety of our respective adobes.  The cozy warmth of our beds beckon to us much earlier than just a mere four weeks ago. 

We now begin looking forward to the holidays!   

Thursday, October 9, 2003

Madison - The Newest Member of Robin's Nest

On Tuesday June 4th 2003 Madison was welcomed with open arms into the world and this family.  She was born at 1:59 pm on a very hot summer day.  Weighing in at a whopping 8lbs. 4oz. and 21 inches long, Madison wiggled her way into our lives and hearts.  With blonde hair and blue eyes, she is the spitting image of her father, but has the sweet demure personality of her mom. 

I can't believe that I finally have the little girl that I've longed for, for so many years.  And what fun we will have!  Tea parties, baking cookies and teaching her to garden are just a few of the wonderful things I look forward to sharing with her.  Just think!  I finally have a little girl to buy beautiful clothes for - she will never want for anything!  

Although my joy is nearly overwhelming with the birth of my granddaughter, it is bittersweet because my own mother is not here with me to enjoy this very important stage in my life.  I would give anything to be able to see the expression on her face if she were able to gaze down into that beautiful little baby's face.  My mother would have fallen in love with this child on first sight.  Although mom can't be here with us, her spirit will live on within me and I vow to share wonderful stories about her with our beautiful granddaughter, Madison.

Wednesday, October 8, 2003

Me a Grandmother?.........Part 2

"Why are you crying?"  She asked, dumbfounded.

"I don't know.  I think it's because they aren't married."  I blubbered.

"This is what you have always wanted!  You are going to be a Grandmother and should be happy.  Why would you cry about something like this when you have wished for it for years?   I think it's because your Mother just died and won't be here to experience the baby with you. "  She said, earnestly.

"That is it!"  I replied, bewildered at how she could have thought of that and I didn't.  It really didn't have anything to do with them being married or not.  It was because of Mom. Suddenly, my heart was light and I felt overjoyed!  I started smiling and then laughing!  I was so thankful that I had called her and she'd put all this in perspective for me. 

Now I needed to call Steve back. 

Me....a grandmother?

On Monday November 18, 2002 at 8:30 AM I walked into work, put my things down and started taking my voice mail messages.  I only had one and it was my son, Steve.  He never wastes time on pleasantries, but instead gets right to the point:  "Mom, as soon as you get this message call me."  And being the good Mother that I am I did what I was told.

He picked up on the first ring.  "Hey, what's up?" I asked unassuming.

"Can't you even say hi?"  he asked with a smile in his voice.

"Hi.  Now what's up?"  I asked trying to hide my slight irritation that he'd call me at work and then expect me to play silly games with him. 

"What's wrong with you?"  he asked.  

"Nothing, but you called me and left me a message to call you.  So what is it?"  I asked carefully.  I knew Steve's MO well after 32 years.  He was building up to something - something that he was having difficulty telling me.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that you are going to be a Grandmother."  

"What are you talking about?"  I tiptoed into the question.

"Danelle is pregnant and you are going to be a Grandmother!"  The smile had returned to his voice.  I could just see him in my mind's eye standing on the other end of the phone blinking those baby blues. 

There was a long pause as time seemed to stand still.  I was trying to process what I heard but my brain wasn't functioning.  

"Well?"  Steve asked.

"Ah, I don't know what to say."  I mumbled into the phone.

"Well that's not exactly the reaction I'd expected."  he said, apprehensively.

"I'm not sure what to say.  This is such a surprise.  Danelle is pregnant?"  I was questioning my hearing.

"That's usually how babies come into this world."  he said impishly.

"I have to think about this for a while. Can I call you back?"  I asked.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

2002 - Part one

2002 was the worst year of my life.  Personal defeat and tragedy seemed to lurk around every corner.  And just when things didn't seem like they could get any worse.....they did.

Early in April word around the office was that 2 supervisors would have to be eliminated due to budget cuts. To make a long story short, I was one of them.  I was offered a new position within the same organization which I accepted.  The realignment would be in August.

The last week in May my best friend, who is diabetic and has many health issues, had a stroke.  This was so devastating because she had always been so heathy and active.  Thankfully she has recovered after a month of physical therapy, but during that month she relied on me to help do the things she couldn't because she was confined to the hospital. 

About the same time I noticed that my Mom's health was failing.  I couldn't put my finger on what was going on - and neither could her doctor.  I watched as each month she grew increasingly more weak and unstable.  My sister, Kim and I kept a close eye on her, going over in the evenings to take her some dinner, write out any bills that may have come in, and just keep her company.  Kim and I both have careers and start our day  around 4am.  Instead of going home right after work we'd go to Mom's and help her out so many nights we didn't get home before 10pm.  We didn't begrudge her that time though.  After all she'd done for us it was the least we could do.  We are not martyrs though.  We did complain between the two of us and felt that our brother should have helped too.  I guess all of this comes with the territory though.  I am just thankful that I had a sister who was willing to help out and share the responsibility.  We don't hold any grudges against our brother though.  He probably wouldn't have known what to do anyway. 

Monday, October 6, 2003

Just when things begin to look down read this........

WHILE EVERYTHING AROUND ME IS EVER CHANGING, EVER DYING,

THERE IS UNDERLYING THAT CHANGE A LIVING POWER THAT IS CHANGELESS,

THAT HOLDS ALL TOGETHER, THAT CREATES, DISSOLVES AND RECREATES.....

FOR I CAN SEE IN THE MIDST OF DEATH, LEFT PERSISTS;

IN THE MIDST OF UNTRUTH, TRUTH PERSISTS;

IN THE MIDST OF DARKNESS, LIGHT PERSISTS.

MOHANDAS K. GANDHI

2002 - part 2

Right after I  was reassigned to my new position, my Mother became ill.  At 82 she had been having health issues for some time, mostly related to her heart.  She was in the hospital both in September and October finally passing away on October 15th.  It was the worst day of my life!  I had mourned my Mom's death for 20 years before she actually died.  Sounds crazy, huh?  I did though.  I was so worried all those years that I would not be able to handle her death.  I guess after 20 years of "dress rehearsals" I'd prepared myself about as well as anyone could.  In fact, and I say this with much guilt, it was almost a relief it was finally over.  No more worrying or fretting about the inevitable.  My Mother and I were extremely close.  I am so glad that I told her what a wonderful Mother she was BEFORE she died!  If Oscar Awards were given to Mothers mine would have won many years hands down and I told her exactly that.  She was such a humble woman and just smiled warmly.  I knew that it was the best compliment that I could give her because she took her role very seriously.

So 2002 couldn't get worse, right?  Right!  It took an unexpected - and I do mean unexpected - turn that still has me dazed in its wake.  On November 18th my son, Steve, called me to let me know that I was going to be a Grandmother!

The glassis truly half full rather than half empty!