Sins of the Heart............part 2

One cold day in December, I was in K-Mart picking up some cold medication for Steve. I turned down an empty aisle and to my amazement there laid a roll of bills wadded up. I couldn't believe it! I looked around quickly for a possible owner but there was no one in the immediate area. How long had it laid there? I quickly grabbed the money and stuck it in my pocket. I couldn't believe my good fortune! It was as if this roll of money just fell from the heavens!

I was already planning what I would use the money for when to my dismay I heard a woman's voice, "I can't find my money! I just had it in my hand! That money was for my kid's Christmas!"

For a moment I froze and time seemed to stand still while I mulled over my next move. I knew it was wrong to take the money, but I also knew that we needed food. Suddenly I became the judge and jury, and quickly walked out of the store with woman wailing in the background. I justified my decision by reasoning that it was more important that my son eat than her kids open a gift on Christmas.

I drove straight to the grocery store trying to put the whole incident out of my mind determined to make my son a good dinner.

That night Stevie ate steak, salad and a baked potato for dinner. He was in seventh heaven. I watched as he greedily ate the steak, occasionally looking my way with a big smile.

In between ravenous bites he looked at me and asked, "Mom, why aren't you eating steak? A look of pure innocence was on his sweet face; his big blue eyes absent of any knowledge of wrongdoing. I winced inwardly and replied with a forced smile, "I'm on a diet, honey." I couldn't eat the meat that was bought with another woman's money.

A few years later I converted to Catholicism and confessed this sin to Father Kindal, the priest that baptized me. He assured me that my sin had been absolved and God had forgiven me. But my heart wasn't so sure.

It's been well over 20 years since that incident, but it has remained fresh in my mind and weighed heavy on my heart since.

Every Christmas I dig a little deeper in my pocket than the previous year to give to others in need.

And every Christmas I pray for that woman, her children and my own forgiveness.