It's been just over two years since my mom passed away on October 15, 2002. This year was actually a little harder to get through than last. At first I wondered why, but then it didn't take me long to figure it out. It's because of Madison my beautiful granddaughter. My mother would have fallen in love with Madison and the love would have been returned by this golden child who gives everyone who comes into contact with her a sense of wonderment at God's ability to bring such beauty to this world. Her birth, regardless of how anticipated, was bittersweet because my mother was not here to enjoy it with me.

All through my life I had shared everything possible with my dear, sweet mother. I remember when I was a little girl in elementary school, I would bring home the dessert which accompanied the school lunch whenever possible for my mom. Whether it was a piece of chocolate cake or a frosted sugar cookie, and regardless of how much I lusted after the delectable morsel I would carefully wrap it in a clean napkin and tuck it into my coat pocket. Once home, I'd carefully unwrap my treasure and present it to my mother to enjoy with a cup of coffee. She always asked why I didn't eat it, but I'd fib to her and say that I didn't like it or make up some other feeble excuse so that she could enjoy it without guilt.

Once I entered high school there were other things mom and I would share like stories, music (she liked rock'n roll too), shopping, and long rides in the car when we'd take off and drive up to my aunt's house. Even when my cousins and I would make silly prank phone calls, mom was in on those too. We'd laugh ourselves to tears at the reactions of our unsuspected victims. It was all so innocent and never devious or vulgar.

When my own son, Stevie was born I shared him with her too. She often said that his birth saved her life, as that was a dark time for mom because she and dad were in the middle of a spiteful divorce. Mom told me many times that she loved him as if he were her own. And she did. I was never jealous or resentful of their very close relationship. In fact, I was so very happy and grateful that my child had such a wonderful, loving grandmother who would have easily given her own life for him.

Naturally I assumed that one day we would once again share yet another milestone in my life, my grandchild. But it was not meant to be. Many people have said to me that my mom is here with me and she looks over my Madison with love, and I believe that. But it is bittersweet because I can't see the love and pride on mom's face. I don't have someone to brag about Madison to, or to share her every little accomplishment with like crawling, cutting teeth, walking and saying her first words. I can't share with mom how Madison cries when I get ready to leave after spending an afternoon with her. My heart breaks every time I think about what mom has missed out on, and I can't help but cry tears of sorrow because my Madison will never get to know her wonderful and loving great grandma.

The one thing that will bring a smile to my face and cause my heart to be light is knowing that someday, somewhere mom and I will have a lot of catching up to do.