Kendra Grace

Kendra Grace Carl
(our beautiful baby girl)
passed away today 6/14/04 at 11:28 am

As I sit here crying it is hard to convey my thoughts.  I do not have to send this email to all of you but I "choose" to send this email to all of you.  Kirk and I cannot begin to express the enormous strength you have all given us by praying for our girls and for us!  You ALL have been given by God to be our rock here on earth and you all have shown how much you love and care for our little family.  It has been hard to send such sad news to you all for so long.  We pray that we will have good news (and only good news soon).

I know some have said and possibly felt that God did not perform a miracle since our sweet twin baby girls died.  This is not true!  They were to die in-utero per ALL the doctors.  They did not!  They were to die right after birth per ALL the doctors.  Again, they did not!  Katelyn was with us for one week and Kendra was with us for two weeks.  That is a miracle!  Not only did we get to meet them and hold their hands and talk to our children they were able to be a testimony for Jesus Christ and to reach out to others in his name.  We know this is true and we know this was but only one of their purposes here on earth!  

We are grateful to have been given these two angels from above.  That we were chosen as their parents.  I don't know why God gave them and then they went back home to heaven.  We won't know until we see them again but we will see them again!!!

You're right - it is not fair!  It stinks - the entire situation.  Yes, we have been angry at times.  God understands this.  We will be angry again and just when you think you have no tears left we begin sobbing again in each others arms.

The yeast infection that Kendra had spread from a 7 colony yeast infection to a 45 colony yeast infection.  It had entered the IV lines and therefore the blood stream.  We were called to come in and say our good-byes before she left.  I had to pick out two little dresses for both Kendra and Katelyn to be buried in before I left home and let me tell you that is not a reason you want to go through your daughter's clothes.  Kirk wanted them to be in the same outfit since they were our twin girls!  I thought it was nice too!

The yeast had spread on the outside of her skin over her bottom and up her back.  Her body was so small that it pretty much covered the backside.  They moved her to the same spot that Katelyn was moved to so we could hold her and say our good-byes but she was not as strong as Katelyn.  I held her and then Kirk and Grandma and Grandpa just said good-bye to her while Kirk was holding her.  Then Kirk held me and I held her and we did it all over again.  Except this time instead of it being a long time as it was with Katelyn, she was gone in an instant.  In some ways this was easier and in some ways harder.  It is so hard to get through this email but I want all those that loved her to know she loved all of you too and she was a miracle and she always will be!!!!  

We again got a little cast of her hand and foot but we could not bring ourselves to bathe this sweet child.  Our wonderful nurse, Deb, who also was with us when Katelyn passed gave her a bath and then we dressed her and took her to be placed beside Katelyn!  Oh God - we cry out to you!!!

Before I delivered Kirk was given a poem from God about the girls dying in-utero.  Now, they did not die in-utero but he felt he was to hold onto the poem.  He knows it was from God because when he sits down to write he always changes it about 20 times and this time he didn't change a thing.  It also takes him hours to days to write something and this time it only took him 5 minutes as the words flowed out.  He kept this poem on paper next to his heart in his jacket pocket everyday since I entered the hospital in May.  He shared it with me this last Saturday night for the first time!  He has asked that I share it with all of you.  Below are the words God gave him for our twin girls.

Katelyn and Kendra that were their names
Our two little wee ones different but same.

Twins they were, blessings from above
They didn't stay with us long but the time here they were loved.

We didn't get to see their bright shinning faces
To know if they had curly hair, straight teeth or need braces.

You see they got sick and God took them home
And left their sister Kiersten in the womb all alone.

See there wasn't just two but instead there were three
Expecting triplet's we were, their mother and me.

We were happy and joyful and a little bit scared
And figured by the end we would pull out our hair.

When the twins left us we were crying and sad
But we couldn't blame God because he isn't bad.

You see when they left they went with God to his home
Where they'll never know pain and never be alone.

For someday we know their mother and me
We will see them at God's house for all eternity.

You see this thing we call life is so short and so small
That God sent his son to die for us all.

If you haven't met Jesus I sure wish you would
For he is not bad but can only be good.

When you say yes to Jesus he is there by your side
And he will cry with you when precious ones die.

I know it's hard to believe in someone you can't see
But have faith God is and always will be.

If you say yes to Jesus you won't be alone
For someday we'll all be together in God's great big home.

    In loving memory of my sweet twin baby girls
                                                            LOVE DADDY

It was important for Kirk to share this with all of you.  Thank you for allowing us to share his thoughts from God with you and your families.

They keep telling us to take time to grieve but we have baby Kiersten  that we need to attend to as well and things for her (paperwork issues) that we must attend to.  We are doing the best that we can.  Please continue to pray for us in this area.

Hopefully - PRAYERFULLY - Kiersten will continue to thrive.  I really must be allowed to bring at least one baby home to keep my sanity!
Today after we lost Kendra we were informed they had to do surgery on Kiersten's PDA today at 4:30 PM.  This was hard since we had just lost Kendra.  

She was up to 1 cc of breast milk and off morphine.  They had to stop feedings and place her back on morphine for the surgery.  I am happy to report that according to the doctor the surgery was a success.  Her lungs have been continuously filling with fluid as a result of the open PDA.  They feel that now that it is closed her lungs  will be OK, which in turn means in approximately a week or two they will be able to hopefully take her off the ventilator.  Her feedings should begin again in approximately 3-7 days.

They did advise that there is, of course, a small risk of infection with any surgery and that babies after this surgery usually get sick for a day or two and then bounce back.  Please, please, please!!!!!  Pray that all be OK.  She has done so well thus far and we NEED her to continue to do so!  Again - your prayers for Katelyn and Kendra were not unanswered by God - they were just answered in a way that we did wish to accept.  Please don't let that stop you from praying for Kiersten or us.

I hope to be able to send continual happy updates on Kiersten and to talk to all of you and to see friends SOON!  ** For now - we do ask that no one stop by the house unless we advise OK.  If you want to call then please call and if we are able emotionally to pick up we will and if not please leave a message as we do love to know you care.  A card or email - whatever - it all helps.

I am setting up the bank account tomorrow.  Thank you to so many of you that have sent emails asking about this.  As I said before this is very difficult for us but we will accept your help.  Kiersten will be in NICU for 10-12 weeks and your help is most appreciated.  We give praise to our family which has helped financially for bills and the twins memorial, we thank all of you that wish to donate to this account for help with past, present and future medical bills from the hospital.  I will send a new email about this once I have it set up.

We will let you all know when the memorial service will be and where.  It may be some time as we again are making arrangements in-between our time at the hospital.  I know this has been a long email but thank you for letting me get this all out.  You are all good people and we are blessed to have you in our lives.  From our church family to my Nationwide family, our parents, siblings and close friends!  As well as thepeople we have never met but that have sent us wonderful uplifting emails.  We thank you all and we pray that God is touching your families as well!

Love  - Kirk and Kimberly